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15 Stupid Google Interview Questions

Well, the title from Business Insider is actually “15 Google Interview Questions That Will Make You Feel Stupid” but I like my title better.

And to show you they’re stupid questions, here are my answers to these interview questions.

1. How many golf balls can fit in a school bus?

Why would you care. You’d have to buy them and then get them in there and then clean up afterwards, which would result in opening the door and having all the stupid balls fall out going all over the freaking place. And I’m not even going to get into short bus, medium sized bus, long bus. Thus, the correct answer is “None” since only an idiot would even contemplate how many golf balls can fit in a school bus.

2. How much should you charge to wash all the windows in Seattle?

To paraphrase Dr. Evil, One Trillion Dollars. Why? Because I don’t do windows and besides, it’s always raining in Seattle so what would be the point of washing the stupid windows.

3. In a country in which people only want boys every family continues to have children until they have a boy. If they have a girl, they have another child. If they have a boy, they stop. What is the proportion of boys to girls in the country?

I guess genetics and anthropological evidence would have to have been completely ignored by the person who came up with this gem. So I peg that person as a super geeky computer type with no comprehension beyond that of using numbers or programming. Thus, they probably want some complex mathematical approximation when it’ll remain 50/50 courtesy of nothing more complex than, oh, the probabilities associated with coin flips.

4. How many piano tuners are there in the entire world?

Some number greater than zero. How many more? Who cares, other than the moron interviewer. Knowing or even determining this fact is a waste of resources and time better spent on anything else, including wondering how many angels dance on the head of a pin.

5. Why are manhole covers round?

Ah. The manhole question. Easiest answer is because Microsoft needed a stupid question to ask during their interviews to make them sound smart.

6. Design an evacuation plan for San Francisco.

Go East. If you get wet you’re going the wrong way, turn around and go East. You’d think the fine folks at Google would realize where San Francisco is located. Sheesh.

7. How many times a day does a clock’s hands overlap?

No idea and don’t care. Besides, my clock is digital so the question is so last century.

8. Explain the significance of “dead beef”.

A hexadecimal question. How quaint. Next up, we’ll ask questions about those weird little 1s and 0s and what they mean.

9. A man pushed his car to a hotel and lost his fortune. What happened?

Someone with too much time on his hands and nothing productive to do with it wrote a stupid riddle.

10. You need to check that your friend, Bob, has your correct number but you cannot ask him directly. You must write the question on a card which and give it to Eve who will take the card to Bob and return the answer to you. What must you write on the card, besides the question, to ensure Bob can encode the message so that Eve cannot read your phone number?

I’ve been through this before. I don’t use Bob. Never have. Besides, Microsoft doesn’t even sell it anymore so I don’t really care if my “friend” Bob has my correct number or not as he’s stuck in whatever binary hell Clippy and him share.

11. You’re the captain of a pirate ship and your crew gets to vote on how the gold is divided up. If fewer than half of the pirates agree with you, you die. How do you recommend apportioning the gold in such a way that you get a good share of the booty, but still survive?

Soooo, I’m a crappy captain that lets my crew vote on how the gold is divvied up, eh? Sure I’m the captain of a pirate ship. Sure I’m a pirate. Sure that all adds up. Be gone demon of stupidity before I put my sabre through you.

12. You have eight balls all of the same size 7 of them weigh the same, and one of them weighs slightly more. How can you find the ball that is heavier by using a balance and only two weighings?

If I had 8 balls I’d be off to the urologist. Especially if one suddenly was larger or heavier than the others.

13. You are given 2 eggs. You have access to a 100-story building. Eggs can be very hard or very fragile means it may break if dropped from the first floor or may not even break if dropped from 100th floor. Both eggs are identical. You need to figure out the highest floor of a 100-story building an egg can be dropped without breaking. The question is how many drops you need to make. You are allowed to break 2 eggs in the process.

Where did you get these wondrous eggs from? And how, pray tell, will the little birdie escape the uber strong egg? This is a question to make you feel stupid? I just feel sorry for the idiot who had to recite this as a question.

14. Explain a database in three sentences to your eight-year-old nephew.

Ooo. Ooo. I’ll answer this one right. “It’s like a toilet where shit goes in and you can later get the shit back out.” There. See, one sentence. I’m therefore 3 times more efficient than the interviewer could ever hope to imagine! What do I win?

15. You are shrunk to the height of a nickel and your mass is proportionally reduced so as to maintain your original density. You are then thrown into an empty glass blender. The blades will start moving in 60 seconds. What do you do?

I don’t answer physically retarded questions, especially ones that are scientifically implausible. Or is this the story line for another bad Hollywood movie where they mangle all of science?

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May 2010
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