Humour

Proof of God’s Existence

September 14, 2011
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Atheists always ask for proof of God’s existence. Some wonder if God has a sense of humour. I figure humanity should be enough proof for the latter. But what of the former? Well, I give you “The Gore Effect”. It seems that every time that Al Gore speaks in a public forum about Global Warming excessively frigid weather arrives. He is to speak in the US midwest tomorrow (I believe). The temperature forecast is 20F. Obviously, unseasonably cold. It may even snow — it’s snowing in Colorado, in fact. The curious can enjoy a weather report here. So, there you go. Proof there is a God. Proof he has a sense of humour. What more can atheists ask for?

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Darth Vader: Venture Capitalist

May 28, 2011
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I’ve been through a number of start-ups and friends of mine are still toiling through theirs. And although I have rejoined their ranks as a CTO in a research-oriented startup I don’t miss the turmoil associated with trying to please investors, customers, and employees all before you have a product. Especially when it seems that you don’t get to include yourself in that mix of who has to be pleased. Like most geeky types I’ve been watched the Star Wars series repeatedly. My kids watch the original three at least twice a year, with my son and I’ve come to notice something: Darth Vader is a venture capitalist. Now, you may think me nuts — I’ve been called that before, usually before heading off on another start-up adventure — however, hear me out. When you listen to Darth Vader motivating the troops or attempting to get the upper hand on the competition (i.e., the Rebel Alliance), he speaks like a seasoned venture capitalist. I’ll provide some examples although this may mean you can never watch the Star Wars saga in the same way again. On Deals I am altering the deal, pray I do not alter it any further. When

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Of 120 Page Phone Bills

August 17, 2010
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I’m here to tell you of an event in our household that I thought I’d never see: a 120 page telephone bill. You read that right. 120 pages. And, yes, I’m talking 8 1/2 x 11 inch pages. Now, it’s not the horror story it might appear, although if delivered via Canada Post it surely would have arrived in a box and would have been photographed for posterity. No. It came in electronically. Who’s bill is this? My daughters. And, what, pray tell is on that 120 pages? Well, I can say there are more than 5 hours of talking. That’s right. 5 hours of yakking on her iPhone. In one month. There’s also nearly 7000 text messages. And Bell has kindly provided each one its own line item on her bill so she can examine it in all its glory, when it was sent, to whom, how long, etc. The only thing that would have made the bill more entertaining would have been if Bell had kindly documented the actual texts, and not just provided the litany of connections. But then the bill would probably be 500 pages. And in today’s day and age, she could probably have published

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Darth Vader, Venture Capitalist

April 29, 2010
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Call it a bit of crazy folly or perhaps just a case of having dealt with investors for too long but I’ve always found that Darth Vader sounds a lot like a Venture Capitalist. I’ll leave these quotes with you to decide if I’m right or wrong or simply delusional. Enjoy. I find your lack of faith disturbing. No one will stop us now. I am altering our deal. Pray I don’t alter it any further. The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am. Don’t fail me again. Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them. I’m here to put them back on schedule. No. Leave them to me. I will deal with them myself. I don’t know. Those all just sound kind of, uh, familiar…

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Things Kids Don’t Get These Days

February 7, 2010
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I always find it interesting when one of my kids asks me about the lyrics to one of the songs I listen to. Two of late came up. Do You Remember Rock ‘n’ Roll Radio by the Ramones and Panama by Van Halen. The lyric “Do you remember lyin’ in bed / with the covers pulled up over your head / radio playin’ so no one could see” had them asking what that was about and I had to recount doing just that, with my little transistor radio. With the radio on low or with the earpiece in, hoping the covers would sufficiently muffle the sounds of the radio. That song always brings back a lot of memories from my youth. I guess today they’d have to sing about listening to your iPod. Not the same, though. Which also makes me think about how we’d talk about the latest songs that were released that week. The various FM channels would play new releases, sometimes the entire album, and we’d sit there before and after class — sometimes during — and discuss the latest offerings from The Who, The Ramones, The Kinks, The Stones, etc. and how much we despised disco.

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More “Things That Drive Me Nuts”

January 30, 2010
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I don’t know what “genius” figured having corporate parties after business hours or on weekends was in any way a good idea. How is it a good idea to ask your employees to take an evening out of their lives to spend even more time with the coworkers in some enforced “fun” filled venture? It’s even worse when they provide you with a “prize” which amounts to spending a week elsewhere with those self-same co-workers. It’s like a booby prize or form of punishment. I  have even heard of one firm that offered “dinner for one” as a “prize”. I guess they figure anyone stupid enough to spend enough of their spare time attempting to win said prize would no longer have a spouse or significant other willing to actually go out to dinner with them. I know some will claim I’m just being a party pooper, but how many normal people actually want to spend an entire evening — and we’re talking 5 – 6 hours of your own time — with your coworkers? You’re not getting paid to go to this function. The music will be lame. The food will be passable if you’re lucky, you will have

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Dilbert 2.0: The Book

July 31, 2009
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Dilbert 2.0: The Book

Just picked up a copy of Dilbert 2.0, the book. It’s awesome with one small flaw: it’s not all of the Dilberts of the past 20 years. However, Scott Adams includes on a CD all of the past 20 years of Dilbert — well, up to mid-May 2008. The tome is beautiful and well worth it for anyone who enjoys Dilbert and wants to reread some of the older strips or just wants to see what they may have missed — or forgotten — from years gone by. Of course you can just head over to the Dilbert.com site and see the strips there, now in colour. My favourite strip remains this one: which, I’m proud to say, is the day I made Dilbert. I submitted that to Scott Adams years ago and then in 2003 it appeared. I was tickled pink to see a part of my life immortalized.

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Wanna know why the US has problems?

July 28, 2009
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Well, I’ve heard stupid things said before, but this takes the cake. Media Matters: O’Reilly’s Fuzzy Canadian Health Care Math And then some wonder why some Americans are totally lost when it comes to doing simple things, like arithmetic. Life expectancy isn’t based on the fact they have 10x as many people, or we have 10x fewer. If it were, then obviously things are much worse here if our life expectancies are similar or we’d live 10x as long up here. Maybe in O’Reilly’s universe Canadians should be living 1000 years or so but our lives are cut short by our friggin’ winters! Honestly, whenever O’Reilly speaks I’m always reminded of that line from “Rush Hour”: Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? And all I can say is “No. We’ve not been scheduled for our lobotomies, so no.”

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Best April Fools Joke in a Long While

April 1, 2009
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I find April Fools rather lame. But every so often someone comes up with a dandy little joke. The winner for this decade has to be this one, today, from The Guardian (as seen on Slashdot). Awesome! The Guardian Shifts to Twitter After 188 Years of Ink The examples are hilarious. My favourite? This one: “OMG Hitler invades Poland, allies declare war see tinyurl.com/b5x6e for more” Made my day, to be honest.

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Finally!

February 21, 2009
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Finally!

The Ottawa Citizen has had the Sunday (here Saturday) colour Dilbert for a long while but not the weekday version. Now we’ll get them all. Finally! I must commend the Ottawa Citizen on their ad, though. For those who don’t subscribe or simply missed it, here’s a snapshot of it.For those who want to see it in the Citizen, just check out the last page of the Sports section in today’s paper.

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Musings

A blog of my musings. Some folks find it interesting and so I continue. Hopefully it will remain fairly interesting. At worst, it'll keep me writing orthogonally to my day job.

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