You just gotta love Bob Lutz. The man just says it the way he sees it, something all too missing in today’s world where everyone is concerned with everyone else’s feelings to the point many are treading on egg shells all hoping not to say something that will “offend” someone else. Personally, I think people have thicker skins than most people will give them credit for. Besides, most people enjoy laughing at themselves. I know I do. If being politically correct means we can’t see the folly of our own ways we’ll lose a lot of what makes society interesting and fun.

Thus, I present Maximum Bob Lutz’s 8 Laws of Business. And if you don’t know why he’s called Maximum Bob, just google and you’ll soon find out!

• Law 1 – The Customer Isn’t Always Right
• Law 2 – The Primary Purpose of Business Is Not to Make Money.
• Law 3 – When Everybody Else Is Doing It, Don’t!
• Law 4 – Too Much Quality Can Ruin You
• Law 5 – Financial Controls Are Bad
• Law 6 – Disruptive People Are an Asset
• Law 7 – Teamwork Isn’t Always Good
• Law 8 – When You Inherit a Really Big Rat’s Nest, Don’t Try to Lure Them Out with Food. Use a Flamethrower!

Call it a bit of crazy folly or perhaps just a case of having dealt with investors for too long but I’ve always found that Darth Vader sounds a lot like a Venture Capitalist. I’ll leave these quotes with you to decide if I’m right or wrong or simply delusional. Enjoy.

• I find your lack of faith disturbing.
• No one will stop us now.
• I am altering our deal. Pray I don’t alter it any further.
• The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am.
• Don’t fail me again.
• Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them.
• I’m here to put them back on schedule.
• No. Leave them to me. I will deal with them myself.

I don’t know. Those all just sound kind of, uh, familiar…

I’m quickly reading through Brooks’ latest tome, The Design of Design. As usual, Brooks is straight up and to the point explaining his views on design and why it’s a solo or, at most, a 2-person task. This makes sense to me, but I tend to be biased. The implementation is a team effort, but not the design.

One thing I noticed courtesy of John Cook’s blog is what amounts to two new additions to Brooks’ Law.

Brooks’ Law is the famous “Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.” We can now add:

• “Many hands make light work” — Often.
• Corollary: “Many hands make more work” — Always.

And what I’d call Brooks’ Law of Design:

• Most great works have been made by one mind. The exceptions have been made by two minds.

Obviously, I highly recommend anything written by Fred Brooks. His Mythical Man Month is a classic that everyone should read, especially project managers. His new book is the same, a must read.

I’ve always loved the fact that Brooks has little use for the Waterfall Model. I loathe it, and it seems he does too. I like being in good company .

I just finished reading Why the iPad isn’t for me over at MacWorld. And I have to say he’s not the only person from whom I’ve heard that type of refrain.

I do find it funny, though, that so many people figure that the iPad should be a general purpose computer. As I’ve stated previously, to me it’s a media consumption device. I’m sure Apple will release an iPad-ized MacBook in the future, but for many people out there the iPad is perfect if what they primarily do is consume media and, to a much lesser amount, produce it. Thus, for those who occasionally email or post on web forums the iPad is fully sufficient. To provide annotations to a document via Pages, fully sufficient. To take notes during a meeting, again sufficient. To use as one’s primary device in a media-heavy context, be it journalism, high tech, etc., fully insufficient.

As a senior researcher I primarily need a luggable computer to read contracts, make notes, read documents, provide commentary, etc. And, to be honest, most of that can be done via a desktop instead. However, as I spend an ungodly amount of time in meetings I would love to have a device through which I sync up relevant data for my ongoing projects and interests. This would be a device I simply carry with me, that’s reasonably light, and has a great battery life. It’d be instant on so that at a meeting I could just open it up, check out particulars for that meeting, reference a doc if I needed to, and move on. I could take minutes or simple notes as necessary, check my calendar, check email in a pinch and ensure my day flowed nicely. A laptop or desktop would still be necessary for me, but not as the device I’d lug to meetings. Instead of lugging a 7lb notebook to meetings I’d be able to lug a 1lb iPad. And I’d be better off as the iPad would force me to ensure relevant information is properly synced up, as opposed to having to hunt through the desktop for information that is relevant, but hadn’t been referenced in months and so is no longer on any “recent” folder list.

I’m sure many people will find little use for the iPad. However, the market for the iPad is wholly different from the market for a general purpose computer. Personally, I believe the market for the iPad is massive and will supplant many folks’ need for a computer since so many people do little other than browsing the web or answering email with their boxes.

At the moment Apple stupidly requires the device to be synced to a physical computer. This should change as many people — such as the “grandma demographic” — will want to sync to the cloud. And I’m sure Apple will provide such a service via iSync, iDisk, and some other i-thing soon enough.

Once we get a few revisions in on the mobo — and maybe a wholesale revision of the device itself — I’ll probably buy one. I’ll happily leave my notebook behind, opting for a more practical iPad coupled to a simple and low cost desktop for my work environment/needs.

I’ve been reading the various reviews and opinions on the iPad and it’s been rather enjoyable. Seems to be of two camps. I’m squarely in the one that figures this is, indeed, the next big thing. It is effectively a computing appliance that allows someone to do with the iPad what most of us wish to do — namely, read documents, check email, do minor updates to things, etc. For heavier lifting those of us that need it can get a general-purpose computer as well. I know, personally, the iPad is what I will definitely want in the future. Being effectively in management means I spend most of my day in email, Word or Excel. If not that, then reading contracts, proposals, documentation, etc. Thus, with the iPad, I can do what I need whenever I need to while also having specific pieces of information at my fingertips.

I also figure, really soon now, Apple will release a modified MacBook Air (the MacPad, MacTablet?) that will be a MacBook Air when the screen is oriented normally, but when it’s twisted around and laid flat across the keyboard so the screen is upwards it becomes an iPad. It’s not as if a Mac can’t run OS X and the iPhone OS — it already does for developers. Thus, people would get a general purpose computer as well as an iPad whenever they need it. I can see this as the direction Apple takes for all their MacBooks. Provides a perfect solution to those needing horsepower but also just wanting something with which to easily read email, check the calendar, listen to music, etc.

Time will tell.

I always find it interesting when one of my kids asks me about the lyrics to one of the songs I listen to. Two of late came up. Do You Remember Rock ‘n’ Roll Radio by the Ramones and Panama by Van Halen.

The lyric “Do you remember lyin’ in bed / with the covers pulled up over your head / radio playin’ so no one could see” had them asking what that was about and I had to recount doing just that, with my little transistor radio. With the radio on low or with the earpiece in, hoping the covers would sufficiently muffle the sounds of the radio. That song always brings back a lot of memories from my youth. I guess today they’d have to sing about listening to your iPod. Not the same, though.

Which also makes me think about how we’d talk about the latest songs that were released that week. The various FM channels would play new releases, sometimes the entire album, and we’d sit there before and after class — sometimes during — and discuss the latest offerings from The Who, The Ramones, The Kinks, The Stones, etc. and how much we despised disco.

And then there’s Panama. A song about a car. And the line that got my kids was: “I reach down / between my legs / and ease the seat back”. They didn’t quite get it. I said the pause was typical of David Lee Roth, ensuring we get a double entendre. I did explain that most cars in the 80s and before didn’t have power seats but instead you reached down and tugged or pushed or slid a lever to make the seat go back and forth. Most kids these days don’t quite get it until they experience  it. Ironically, most think it way more efficient than waiting for a seat to slowly and electrically move back and forth. Funny, that.

I’m sure if I thought of it a bit longer I’d recall other lyrics. But then even things like “dial” get them. Times have changed.

I don’t know what “genius” figured having corporate parties after business hours or on weekends was in any way a good idea. How is it a good idea to ask your employees to take an evening out of their lives to spend even more time with the coworkers in some enforced “fun” filled venture? It’s even worse when they provide you with a “prize” which amounts to spending a week elsewhere with those self-same co-workers. It’s like a booby prize or form of punishment. I  have even heard of one firm that offered “dinner for one” as a “prize”. I guess they figure anyone stupid enough to spend enough of their spare time attempting to win said prize would no longer have a spouse or significant other willing to actually go out to dinner with them.

I know some will claim I’m just being a party pooper, but how many normal people actually want to spend an entire evening — and we’re talking 5 – 6 hours of your own time — with your coworkers? You’re not getting paid to go to this function. The music will be lame. The food will be passable if you’re lucky, you will have to “dress up” because some pinhead in HR figured it would be “fun” to make it formal, and you might have to find sitters, etc. Then, when you get there, the “entertainment value” for the evening will consist of the company drunk doing something expected and various management types babbling endlessly about goals and how proud they  are of you. These folks figure by annoying their employees by having them attend the event is preferable to simply giving them a monetary award, some actual recognition during work hours in front of their peers, some paid time off, or, God forbid, a dinner for two so as to actually show respect for the person and the significant other in the relationship, the very people who have had to put up with the long hours that the drone at the microphone is going on and on about.

Another insipid detail of these “events” is that they now tend to have a “rah rah” session. I know where these things have come from, our cousins to the south. Americans seem to love this cheerleading garbage. They seem to love having someone cheer them on, spout inanities to which they all grunt and cheer to: “We’re the best, yes we are, ooooga”. Crap! Most of the rest of the world finds this rather odd, moronic, and somewhat neanderthal. If I have no pride in my work, no pride in my job, no respect for my coworkers or my firm then a rah-rah session isn’t going to instill it in me or anyone else. What it will do, for anyone with brains or the smallest bit of self-respect, is make you wonder if you’re back in high school. And most of us hated high school, what with the posturing and the cliques and the jocks and princesses along with teachers who seemed more intent at keeping the inmates in line than anything else. We had enough of that rah-rah shit then, we don’t want it on the job and we don’t want to be forced to go to some insipid “pep rally” on a Saturday night when we could be with our spouse or  friends enjoying something that will actually make us happy and make us relax.

Oh, I can hear some claim they relax at these events. Really? You can fully be yourself when your boss is in the same room? You can sit there and not fake smile or pretend to be interested in what’s going on? I know some can, but most will sit there politely so as not to offend. But deep down you can see that they’d rather be anywhere else. They’d rather have a wolverine in their pants than sit through another “motivational talk” from the VP. At least with the wolverine only one of you are in pain and at least one of you is getting something out of it. With a corporate dinner and pep rally no one gets anything out of it and it’s an uncomfortable feeling all around.

So, if any corporate “adults” read this and wonder what to do next time here’s some advice. Get rid of the President’s Clubs and the corporate Christmas Party and all the other stupidity that forces employees to come together during non-office hours. Hell, get rid of any rah-rah shit during office hours, too — it’s a waste of money. Instead, take the amount you were planning on spending on those events and put it to useful purpose, say a local shelter, some decent chairs, free coffee and soft drinks, etc. That way the money will be well spent and people will actually benefit from the money — and you will instill some pride in the company as it’ll show it cares. Furthermore, as to things like “President’s Clubs”, just offer the top performers all expense paid vacations or cash or days off. They’ll be much happier going someplace with their spouse rather than having to spend a week with the people they share a prison cube with.

And don’t get me started on “team building exercises”.  Or cubicles. Or …

First off, hate the name. iSlate would have been better, especially as this is truly a clean slate for many applications and how people will interact with a computer.

Now, I’ve been reading all kinds of rants from folks on the web about the iPad. I think they’re all full of it. The iPad represents a proper computational device for the masses.

Why? Simple.

Most people just want something that works, that does not require endless dicking around with, that does what it claims to do, is light and functional and attractive. They don’t want to program it and they want the applications all to behave in standardized ways. The attitude from some people is that it’s closed and makes you use the iPhone/iPod Touch touch interface. Well, duh. Most people can figure out using something based on touch, but the mouse, keyboard, etc. aggravate people.

What Jobs and crew have done is create a device that replaces paper in a number of instances:

• notebook
• calendar
• contact list
• books
• etc.

Thus, you suddenly have a single device that does all those things. And does them elegantly and consistently.

I look upon the reaction of some kids I know. They quickly realized that it would replace their textbooks, a huge savings in weight. And, it can hold their music, their calendars, pictures, etc. Sure, the iPod is nice and small, but when you’re in class taking notes or wanting to read the text book or some journal or a web page, the iPad will do all of that efficiently.

Therefore I see a huge uptake in this device. Especially from students in university, business people, and geeks. Geeks will use it to dump their docs onto, business people will use it to take notes, track their calendar, check mail, etc. without having to lug around a computer, a notebook, etc. A Blackberry might be handy, but you can’t respond in any intelligent way via a Blackberry or iPhone. You need access to a keyboard. And various documents will just be there for you in a readable way. Not so with small handheld devices. With an iPad you can keep up-to-date versions of documents of interest, books, contracts, etc. for quick reference. I see this device helping declutter the corporate world. And it’s about freaking time!!

So, I doubt Apple will be able to build enough of these things. They’ll sell millions upon millions of them. And I think this will kill the netbook completely, except for those few who want a general computational device they can code in Linux or the like. But for the vast majority of people it’ll be just what they want. Something attractive, something that works, and something that is consistent. For the Linux crowd, they’ll foam at the mouth because they will continue to not appreciate that most people don’t give a rat’s ass for Linux on the desktop. They want something that works, does not require any customization, and that has someone they can call when it doesn’t work.

I know I’ll hear laments all summer about the “idiots buying closed hardware”. And to aggravate some of those people I intend to buy myself one, once the first few bugs are out.

How I wish the media firms would come to their senses and realize that the consumer isn’t their enemy and that what the consumer wants is convenience.

I really would love to rid my house of DVDs, CDs, magazines, etc. and have most of that stuff digital. Books, at least for me, are the sole exception. I like having a physical book. But even there, in some cases, I’d take a digital volume. One case that comes immediately to mind is technical books that I use for reference. They’re huge, usually go out of date quickly, and weigh a ton. I’d prefer those puppies in digital form.

So, here’s to hoping the media firms come to the realization that they have to come up with a utility-style structure wherein we can get what we want and the folks generating what we want get compensated. It’s not as if the Internet and computers can’t do this, it just requires a certain amount of collective will to build a new distribution solution as opposed to suing folks or making it difficult to get what you want in a digital format. Aggravating the consumer is not good business sense.

Besides, storing our music preferences, for example, in the cloud so that we can listen to the music we want whenever and wherever we want is much more efficient from a consumer’s point of view than trying to maintain a digital library or dealing with a gazillion CDs and DVDs.

For example, why can’t I just watch Mythbusters on demand? Put in the commercials for those unwilling to pay a premium. For the rest of us, provide the means by which we can pay a premium to watch it without the commercials. Again, our time is money and if I can save 20 minutes in TV watching I’m willing to pay for that. It’s why many times I wait and simply buy the DVD set for a TV show I like. No commercials. My own pace. My own schedule. Well worth it, but I’d rather not have to store the DVD box set, nor have to dust it bimonthly or even try to remember where I left it when the urge comes to watch a particular episode.

Personally, I think the utility model built into the way ISPs deliver the internet to everyone would resolve much of the problem. I, for one, would happily pay a reasonable premium to have access to everything on the internet from music to TV shows to movies to news to journal articles in a metered fashion. To me it would only be a good thing as I could look upon such a result as the beginning of The Big Declutter my home is in long need of.

As I look around my book and CD cluttered office I so wish the new Apple tablet, supposedly to be announced tomorrow, provides at least part of that solution. If it does, I’ll be one of the first people buying one and hopefully replacing many of my paper textbooks with digital ones. The savings in space for that alone will be well worth it, so long as the media firms don’t try to gouge me for a digital version. In which case, I’ll just stick with my paper-based model as much as I might loathe it.

Going on more than 30 years of dealing with keyboards I’ve gotten fairly picky. Same holds for mice. Keyboards, that major interaction device with the computer, is something a lot of people are very passionate about. I know I tend to get more than a little agitated whenever I have to go buy a new keyboard when my latest favourite dies.

I’ve watched friends rant on about things such as key click sensation, noise, speed of input, flexibility, layout and ability to absorb various spills. Although I’ve never spilled anything on my keyboards, I do know that it seems that quite a number of people do spill all kinds of things onto and thus into them. In fact, there are a number of keyboards that are designed with spillage in mind. I know of one Logitech keyboard that is designed so as to allow the liquid to pour through strategically placed holes. I guess you can wash it out that way, too, supposing you use distilled water. Pretty handy if you’re a bit of a land klutz or are just to spastic from drinking way too many caffeinated drinks during your latest round of WoW.

So whenever I have a chance I listen to what friends are going through re: keyboards and mice, especially if they touch type as I do or are similarly brutal to their keyboards.

And the opinions vary. Some still like the rectangular layout, but I find it confining. I’m 6’3″ and thus a rectangular keyboard is rather hard on my wrists. I prefer the ones with at least a subtle curve to them. I remember the original Microsoft Natural keyboards. They were brilliant. I went through a number of them over the years and they worked and were a joy to use. Unfortunately, Microsoft figured it important to change how they felt and operated and I fell out of love with them. I then moved onto the Logitech NewTouch. It was a monster of a keyboard, complete with a built in trackpad. I used them for a number of years until, it seems, Logitech stopped carrying them or, perhaps, the structure of my office disallowed the use of such a huge keyboard and a mouse. Thereafter I moved back to Microsoft keyboards, especially the various Comfort keyboards, none of which I was overly happy with. And then I found Microsoft’s Entertainment keyboard, the 7000 in particular. Ah. Heaven. Easy to type on. Great response. sleek and small. The only drawback is the lack of a number pad. However, after more than 2 years of using this keyboard I’ve not missed the number pad often. And, after 2 years of use, I’ve not had a single problem with the keyboard. Even the lettering is mostly still on, which is impressive.

But mice are another matter. I’ve mostly vacillated, as with keyboards, between Microsoft and Logitech mice. Of late I’m using the mouse that accompanies the aforementioned keyboard. Before that I used whatever mouse was reasonably comfortable and inexpensive, usually opting for Microsoft optical mice.  As a keyboard jockey the mouse is useful but it’s the keyboard that drives my decisions.

It’s why I’ve never liked Apple keyboards or mice for that matter. I’ve found the keyboards horrid — though they’re passable on their notebooks. And the mice are atrocious. Too small for my huge hands they result in some pretty impressive pain. Thus imagine my surprise when the new mouse from Apple turned out to be decent. It may be small, but it seems it so small that it’s like not having a mouse under your hand. Thus, the curve is more natural and I don’t get pain from it. I’d be willing to switch to this mouse full time in the future.

Now, if Apple could spend that kind of time building a proper, curved keyboard I’d be happy. I’d have 2 choices again — since nothing from Logitech works for me — I don’t like how their keyboards feel anymore. At the moment I’m rather trapped into using Microsoft’s keyboards and mice. Fortunately, that’s not a bad place to be trapped as their keyboards and mice are excellent!

I do, however, wonder why it is so hard for companies to make good keyboards. Or at least ones that I consider good. Of all the things that can make or break your relationship with the computer the keyboard and mouse are the most important. And Apple, of all companies, you would think would go out of their way to create decent keyboards for those, like myself, who prefer a curve. They finally got the mouse right, now maybe they can focus on the keyboard…